


Just Keep Holding On

by Too_Much_Fandom



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Married Newtina, Mental Health Issues, New Parents, Postpartum Depression, mother guilt, suicide threat, supportive Newt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-06-08
Packaged: 2018-11-03 18:40:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10973091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Too_Much_Fandom/pseuds/Too_Much_Fandom
Summary: Newt and Tina Scamander welcome their first child! But Tina's adjustment to motherhood is much more difficult than she expected.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, this is my first fic, so please be kind! It's going to be intense, and it's not an easy story, but I do hope you enjoy. Also, much thanks to MerryLilHobbit for beta reading!

The stream of well wishers and visitors went back to their own business and now the delighted new parents were ready to begin their lives as a family of three. 

Newt and Tina Scamander were overjoyed about the birth of their new son, Pascal. For two weeks, they were bombarded with with visitors and gifts and lots of “ooh”ing and “ahh”ing over the baby, and tidbits of advice from more experienced parents, some of it useful and most of it silly. Newt had found it quite overwhelming, as he’d always hated being the center of attention. He found it supremely uncomfortable to engage in these befuddling rituals where he could never quite keep up with the always evolving unwritten rules of social engagement. 

Much to his chagrin, there had been a number of journalists in the mix; it was the worst part of being a celebrity author. He was quite glad to be done with it so he could get down to the business of being a father to his new son. Tina had also found it overwhelming, though mostly because she was simply exhausted and sore from the birth and from caring for Pascal in the middle of the night. But she smiled, thanked people for the gifts, agreed with whatever compliments people gave about the baby, and pretended to pay attention to the advice givers. 

And then there was Queenie. Queenie had come to London from New York in honor of the occasion and stayed in the Scamanders’ flat for those two weeks, making sure Tina was taken care of. For two weeks she made sure her sister and brother-in-law had plenty of delicious and nutritious food to eat, that their flat was clean, and the laundry done. As a legilimens, she knew exactly when Newt needed space or when Tina needed to rest and was able to deflect visitors accordingly. She watched the baby while Tina napped or showered. Those first two weeks were a blur, but a happy one.

But then the time came for Queenie to go back to New York and for Newt to go back to work. Tina would be going back to work too, but not for a few months. She looked forward to the downtime; she'd get to know her delicious new baby, take him for long walks, talk to him, and just enjoy him. She also looked forward to spending the time getting herself back into shape; as an auror, physical fitness was important and she needed to get her body back to prime fighting condition. She was a bit nervous about Queenie leaving and about Newt being gone most of the day (although for at least part of the day he would be close by, just down in his case), but how hard could it be for one woman to take care of one little baby? 

Newt kissed his wife and son goodbye and headed to the ministry where he was needed by the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures to consult on various matters. He’d be back in the early afternoon and would probably take a quick break to spend time with his little family before heading down to his case to take care of his creatures and work on the second edition of his book. For the first time, Tina was on her own for most of the day. 

“Ok, Pascal, it’s just you and me now,” said Tina smiling at her boy and taking in the delicious newborn scent. Pascal didn’t have much of a response. He was too young to even smile. Tina was feeling a bit uneasy. As much as she loved her son, she didn’t think she could just stare at him all day. He couldn’t do anything interesting yet. 

As it turned out, that didn’t matter much because he gave her plenty to do. When he started rooting in hunger, she sat down to nurse him. Although she’d mostly gotten the hang of it over the past two weeks, it still took about half an hour to feed him each time. She hadn’t noticed it with Queenie around for company, but it got boring fast. She tried to comfortably hold the newspaper and the baby at the same time and ended up settling on a hovering charm to keep the paper at eye level. Then she burped the baby and so began the marathon: cleaning up spit up (the Tergeo spell worked on the small stain that landed on her, but the baby had to be changed completely), changing what felt like a hundred diapers and getting peed on for the first time, changing her own clothes this time, then rocking a very fussy Pascal to sleep and picking him up again when his eyes sprang open the second she placed him in the cradle. This game of pick-up and put-down went on for 40 minutes until she gave up and decided to nurse him again. He fell asleep and this time stayed asleep when she put him down. 

Tina realized she was ravenously hungry and fixed herself a meal. Just as she sat down to eat, Pascal woke up again, screaming like a banshee. She looked at her watch to see that he’d only slept for twenty minutes.

“No! Stop! Leave me alone for one damn second!” she shrieked in frustration- and then immediately felt intensely guilty. How could I be angry at a helpless baby, she admonished herself, what kind of mother does that? Stomach rumbling, she went back to rocking and shushing Pascal, occasionally glancing at her watch waiting desperately for 4 o’clock to arrive. 

Newt apparated into his flat at about ten after four only to have a furious and tear-stained Tina immediately thrust a fussing baby into his arms and run off to the bedroom sobbing.

“Tina, love, what’s wrong?” he asked, running after her. Pascal was fussing and as much as he wanted to comfort his wife, he knew he couldn’t talk to her properly with that distraction and decided to try to calm him down first. He rocked his son and sang a soothing song, one he often sang to calm down some of his more skittish creatures. It worked in minutes. Pascal settled and even stayed sleeping after Newt placed him in his cradle.

He saw Tina peeking out and watching, and then saw her dissolve into a fresh wave of tears. A very concerned Newt came into the bedroom to find her collapsed on the bed sobbing.

“Bad day?” he asked, rubbing her upper back with one hand and taking one of her hands with the other. 

“I haven’t had a moment to myself,” she sobbed into a pillow, “I barely have time to visit the bathroom, I’m starving and have had nothing to eat but random bites of scraps between feeding, burping, changing, then he fussed all day and wouldn’t sleep more than 20 minutes at a time. I’m exhausted and still sore. And I’m the WORST mother! I-”

“Don’t talk like that,” Newt interjected. “You’re a wonderful mother! I love you and Pascal loves you and of course you fumbled a bit on your first day alone, nobody’s perfect-”

“YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND” Tina wailed, “I YELLED at him in frustration! Our baby, a helpless baby, and I yelled! And I didn’t enjoy him today! I’m feeling miserable about motherhood! What kind of mother hates being a mother? And then you came home and calmed him down in minutes with that song you sing your creatures, and how is it that YOU managed to soothe him instinctually when his own mother, who’s supposed to have maternal instincts can’t?”

“Tina, Tina,” said Newt softly, taking her in his arms and stroking her hair, “don’t be so hard on yourself, love. I don’t know what I’m doing either. I didn’t know the song would work, it’s just the first thing I could think of. You’ll get more efficient at infant care soon enough, and figure out which spells work best to make things easier. You’ll take him out and get fresh air and maybe meet other mums. You’ll get to know Pascal and his habits so you can figure out what he needs right away and how best to do it. You’ll see, it’ll get better soon. Tomorrow will be better, maybe make it a priority to take him out in the pram.”

“You really think so?” asked Tina weakly, “it’ll get better? That I will get better?” 

“I know so darling,” he replied, “now why don’t you get some sleep. I’ll give Pascal a bottle when he wakes up so you can-” 

Tina looked at him horror-struck and offended. “You think I can’t feed my own baby?” she said in a low voice, glowering at her husband

“No, no, that’s not what I meant I-I-I j-just thought-” he stammered.

“NO! You will not! Feeding him is MY job. Lousy mother that I am, the least I can do is feed him my milk.” 

Newt knew better than to argue at this point, though assured his wife that she was most definitely not a lousy mother and insisted she sleep for as long as Pascal would allow while he took care of dinner and cleanup.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pascal is not an easy baby. Tina struggles with him for the remainder of her leave and grapples with conflicting feelings about returning to work.

Tina continued to struggle through the remaining three months of her leave.

First there was the colic. Just a few days after Queenie left, Pascal started screaming at five in the afternoon and could not be consoled. Newt took over at six to give his exhausted and frustrated wife a break, but he couldn’t calm the infant either, not even using his tried and true creature-calming methods. By seven, both parents were positively alarmed and decided to summon a Healer. After a quick examination, she smiled almost cheekily and pronounced that the couple had been “blessed” with a colicky baby.

“Nothing you can do about it. No one has yet figured out a potion or spell that can make it stop; the muggles haven’t got any remedies either,” she told the flustered young parents. “It’s not unhealthy and it’ll pass, probably around the 3 month mark. It really does pass, and while it’s hard, believe me, when he goes off to Hogwarts, you’ll miss this!” she chuckled before disapparating.

Sure enough, it continued every day from about five until eight in the evening, right up until a few days before Tina was due to return to work. She and Newt took turns pacing the floors and rocking their shrieking son during those hours. Tina spent her breaks watching Newt, who seemed a bit tired, but overall doting and unflappable as he fruitlessly attempted to soothe the unsoothable infant. As much as she loved seeing her husband as such a caring and devoted father, that feeling was quickly overwhelmed with a mix of jealousy and self-loathing because he seemed better equipped to parent she did, and her maternal instinct felt at best defective and at worst entirely lacking.

Tina did take Newt’s advice and got herself out of the flat with Pascal every day. But she started to resent it when little old ladies would stop her on the street and, after cooing over her baby, would inevitably tell her to “Enjoy him! It goes by so fast!” leaving her awash in fresh waves of guilt and shame because she wasn’t enjoying him and it wasn’t going by fast at all. In fact, it was going by so painstakingly slowly, especially with the colic. She tried to talk to other mothers at the park, but quickly grew irritated with the other women talking so animatedly about the intricacies of their children’s bodily fluids and nap schedules and recipes and cleaning tips as though there was nothing more to life for a mother. She wanted to have normal adult conversations about interesting topics. Surely there was something interesting to talk about that she could find in common even with a No-Maj?

Newt had been right that she’d get more efficient at taking care of Pascal, but it was still hard and rather mindless work and she still didn’t get much time for herself. The days drifted one into another and Tina found herself eagerly anticipating her return to her job, and then berating herself for being so eager to leave her child for several hours a day. She had good moments, such as experiencing Pascal’s first smiles and giggles, but he still woke up every two to three hours to eat, she still wouldn’t let Newt take over any of the night feeds, and in her haze of exhaustion she found it hard to enjoy much of anything in life. She plastered on a happy face for Newt; she couldn’t stand to have him fret about her. But under her fake smiles as she told her husband about Pascal’s day over dinner each evening, Tina seethed inwardly- at her misery and at the fact that Newt seemed to father so much better than she could mother.

As if her inadequacies as a mother weren’t bad enough, Tina soon felt she wasn’t much of a wife anymore either. She and Newt had attempted to restart their intimate life about six weeks after she gave birth, but she was in so much pain that she couldn’t hide it from him. Newt, who always hated to witness pain in any sentient being, couldn’t bear to hurt his wife and refused to continue despite her insistence that it was fine, she could manage. They tried again a couple of weeks later and it didn’t hurt, but it still wasn’t entirely comfortable and Tina was too exhausted to enjoy it. She also felt fat, stretched out, and unattractive, no matter how much Newt repeated that she was beautiful. Night after night she’d tell him, “not tonight dear. I’m just not feeling up to it”. He eventually stopped asking. She missed him and knew he missed her, but she desperately needed to sleep. Soon she was going back to work, and she clung to the hope that maybe now, her life would start going back to normal.

On the morning of the big day, Mrs. Doge, the nanny, came to the flat. Excited as she was, Tina was also nervous and feeling guilty for feeling excited about work. Newt was nervous too, and handed Mrs. Doge a notebook that looked suspiciously like the notebooks he kept down in the shed that had all the detailed instructions for looking after his creatures. Tina started to giggle when she realized that her husband had essentially done the same thing with their son and written an extremely detailed manual on Pascal’s schedule and habits. She just couldn’t suppress a giggle at Newt being so...Newt. The giggle faded when another terrible wave of guilt washed over her as that now familiar voice in her head told her: _you’re the mother, you should have been the one to write detailed instructions about your son_.

At last, Mrs.Doge jovially waved Newt off, “you first timers make me laugh,” she said smiling, “but I’ve raised 4 of my own and I’m a granny now. Really, he’ll be alright. Now kiss your boy goodbye and get on with it!”

And so they did. They apparated together to the ministry and kissed each other before heading to their separate departments.

“Are you sure it’s OK?” Tina asked Newt nervously.

“Well, I’m a bit nervous myself, but Mrs. Doge came highly recommended and as a granny, she probably knows what she’s doing better than we do,” he mused.

“No, not that, I mean,” Tina mumbled looking down at the floor, “I mean, is it OK that I’m continuing my career? I don’t know anyone else who does, and as much as I want to think that here in 1929 we’ve evolved a bit…” she trailed off.

“Nonsense, dear,” said Newt cupping her chin in his hand, “believe me, I’ve spent my whole life being different, I’m long past caring what others think of my own oddities. And why shouldn’t a mother work if she wants to, just because of some nonsensical rules of society? I don’t care if people talk, and you shouldn’t either. I’m proud of your career, and Pascal is going to grow up proud of his mummy the auror!” Tina felt better after that, pecked Newt on the cheek, and then went off to her office at the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.

Today was not going to be a full day. Everyone agreed it would be best to ease back into things. She’d spend a few weeks doing part time desk duty, gradually increasing her hours to full time. She hoped in another two to three months she could go back out into the field. Her plans for getting back into shape during her leave had not materialized, mostly due to exhaustion and not finding a good time to exercise and train. She was a bit discouraged about that, but hoped that now that things were settling, she’d be able to concentrate on it.

“Welcome back, Scamander,” her supervisor, Bob Ogden, got up to shake her hand. “Hope all’s well with the little one?” Tina nodded. “Ah well, there’s work to be done. Nothing Grindelwald related today,” he told her handing over some files, “he seems to be lying low at the moment; our intelligence has him still operating somewhere in Central Europe, and while he’s got some followers here in Britain, no notion of anything major occurring here yet, though of course all of Europe remains on high alert. You know, there’s some unrest in Muggle Europe as well,” he continued, “while it’s not quite our department, it’s always good to know what’s going on there too. Really, it’s impossible to ever truly separate world events one from the other. I know, you Americans prefer your isolationism,” he chuckled, “but here in Europe we don’t have that luxury.”

Tina sauntered off to her desk and started working on some files about some illegal substance trafficking. Although she’d always preferred being out in the field to desk duty, she was fine with it for now. It was nice to be dressed normally, talking to adults about world events, and gathering intelligence and putting the pieces of the puzzle together to stop dangerous and illegal activities.

When one o’clock came, Tina said goodbye to her colleagues and headed home. As she apparated to the hallway outside her flat, she realized that though she had missed Pascal, she also kind of wished she’d had another hour or two before coming home. She hated herself for thinking it, took a deep breath, and walked into her home.

“Oh hello, Mummy,” squealed Mrs. Doge, “have we got a surprise today!”

“Where’s Pascal?” Tina asked, looking around.

“Sleeping, dear,” Mrs. Doge told her, “but you’ll want to know, your boy is quite a strong little wizard, you should be proud!”

Tina gasped. “You mean, he showed some magic?” she said in almost a whisper.

“So, it was his first time, eh,” smiled Mrs. Doge.

“Well, I guess it is, me and Newt haven’t seen anything yet,” said Tina regaining her composure, “and besides, don’t most babies start displaying magic after 6 months, or even after a year?” she asked.

Mrs. Doge nodded, “yes, that’s why it’s quite impressive. And it was quite an impressive show as well,” she added. “He fussed and cried and didn’t want to take his nap, and as we approached the crib, he waved a fist in the air and the crib shattered into pieces! Nothing I couldn’t fix with my wand, don’t worry,” she laughed, “like I said, a strong and powerful one this one is. Maybe he’ll be an auror like his uncle.”

_Or his mother_ , thought Tina in annoyance.

After Mrs. Doge left, Tina made herself a cup of coffee and relished the silence that she was sure would be ending rather soon. Now she felt guilty again. She was proud of how advanced her son apparently was. And she felt horrible that she had missed his first burst of magic. _There’ll be others_ , she reminded herself. _Yeah, but you weren’t there for the first. You can’t get that first back. Every witch dreams of witnessing her child’s first show of magic_ , that familiar nagging voice told her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mrs. Doge is related to Elphias somehow! Haven't decided how- she could be his mother or aunt or a cousin- but they're definitely related.
> 
> You might recognize Bob Ogden as well. Harry visits his memory in Half Blood Prince. Just for a refresher, it was Ogden who attempted to apprehend Morfin Gaunt for his attack on muggle Tom Riddle back in 1926. It makes sense for him to still be on the job in 1929. 
> 
> So far this all looks like garden-variety stuff that many new mothers deal with; it's going to get darker from here.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now things start to get darker in this chapter. But also very adorable!Newt ahead!

Over the next three months, a working routine developed. But the relief Tina was hoping for did not come. She still felt she was floundering as a mother and now she was floundering at work too. Pascal still didn’t sleep well and she sometimes dozed off at her desk, something that did not go unnoticed by her superiors. She was still out of shape and noticed that Ogden had not even discussed her return to the field. She also noticed her milk beginning to dry up, most likely due to her working hours, and she felt that now, this last vestige of good motherhood was slipping away from her too. 

 

“Nonsense,” said Newt, “young can do just fine on artificial milk. Most of the creatures I’ve rescued either lost their mothers or the mother couldn’t produce enough milk, and I am able to keep them perfectly healthy and thriving by devising the right concoction according to the species.” 

 

Tina grunted in what he thought was assent as she turned over to go to sleep, but really, she was holding back tears. Humans weren’t creatures. Humans were part of civilization and had rules. Newt may not have ever been one to give a flying fig about rules and expectations, but Tina cared, and she  _ knew _ she was failing badly at motherhood by all acceptable measures. 

 

Newt Scamander was never very good at reading people but even he could not fail to notice that something was not right with his wife. She was moody and irritated most of the time, and seemed to be constantly angry at him over some offense he didn’t know he had committed. She seemed almost disinterested in Pascal, although he knew she loved him  desperately and would take and Unforgivable Curse for him any day. She usually had a couple of hours with him in the afternoon before Newt got home and the first thing she did every day was thrust Pascal into his arms as though she’d been counting down the minutes toward his arrival. She then retreated to their room, often grabbing some alcoholic beverage or another on the way. One time, when Pascal had seemed particularly fussy, Newt looked at Tina and noticed her hair had turned an electric blue. He laughed as he took his son,“You little rascal, did you turn Mummy’s hair blue?” 

 

Tina, however, was not amused and stalked off, which left Newt very confused. Every magical parent knew that these things happened with children too young to control their magic; besides, it was just a simple spell to turn her hair back to its usual color, not a huge mess to fix up. Why was she so touchy?  _ 6 months ago _ , he thought morosely,  _ she’d have laughed too _ . 

 

That’s when he realized that it had been a very long time since he’d seen her happy. He tried to help out more around the house and with the baby, and was running himself ragged trying to do more every day; not only didn’t it help, she seemed even more irritated with him for it. Night after night he pleaded with her, grasping her hands or stroking her hair, “Please, Tina, tell me what’s wrong! What can I do to make it better?” 

 

And she’d wrench herself from his grasp and say “Nothing. I’m fine!” and roll over pretending to go to sleep. She wasn’t fine, she knew that that. But what could she tell him? She wasn’t even entirely sure herself what was wrong. And expressing her insecurities about her performance as a mother only led to Newt assuring her that it wasn’t true, which never helped because although she knew  _ he _ believed what he was saying, she just didn’t. 

 

When Pascal was 6 months old, Tina’s dreaded suspicions at work were confirmed. She had finally cornered her supervisor and asked for a discussion about when she’d get to do field work again. Ogden averted his eyes. 

 

“You’re not sending me back out any time soon, are you?” murmured Tina. 

 

“Take it up with the head of the department,” Ogden curtly replied as he scurried away. 

 

The head. Her husband’s older brother. 

 

“Theseus, be straight with me,” demanded Tina. 

 

Theseus sighed, “I know you’re one of our best, but I don’t think I can send you back out there. It’s just not a job for a mother. Frankly, it’s odd that you work at all since having a baby, but I can look past that as long as it’s a desk job.” 

 

“This wasn’t Newt’s idea, was it?” she asked, her anger bubbling up. 

 

“Of course not,” replied Theseus, “you know as well as I do my brother has never put much stock in social conventions. But honestly, this has gone far enough. You’re not going back into the field. It’s not appropriate in this situation. You may go back to your desk now.” 

 

Tina returned to her desk seething. She stayed till the end of her shift but didn’t get much done due to her anger, though she kept it under wraps. After all, at least a desk job was better than no job, so she had to keep it together. 

 

She was still seething when she came home and really didn’t want to deal with anyone, not even her baby. But she had to until Newt got back. Like she always did, she thrust the baby into his arms as soon as he appeared. But today, Newt noticed a harshness about her and could have sworn he heard her muttering something about “Theseus” and “jerk” as she scanned the contents of the liquor cabinet. Before she could stalk off to the bedroom, he grabbed her by the wrist and said “No!” in a forceful, almost angry tone that she had never heard from him before. 

 

“No, Tina, I want to know what’s going on,” and he started letting loose all his pent-up frustrations. “You’re always angry, always huffing, you’ve practically recoiled from my touch for months, you barely interact with our child at all…” 

 

He immediately regretted that last part, as soon as Tina opened her mouth to respond, “so you admit it, don’t you? That I AM a lousy mother!” 

 

“No, love, that’s not what I meant, I-” 

 

“Stop with the condescending platitudes,” she raged, “You’ve finally figured it out. I’m worthless-” 

 

“Please don’t talk like that-” he began to interject, but she continued ranting over him. 

 

“I’m useless and a miserable failure at everything I do. I’m failing at work, I’m failing at being your wife, and worst of all, I’m failing my son! Somehow the maternal instinct that all  _ creatures _ seem to have has skipped me. I’m a waste of space, you two certainly don’t need me!” She headed for the door as Newt, holding a wailing Pascal, looked helplessly after her, “and maybe I should just go jump in the river!” and with that she slammed the door. 

 

Those last words sent a chill down Newt’s spine. He knew Side-Along apparition wasn’t the best for babies, but it could be done in an emergency and this certainly was one. He didn’t have time to try decide if she had really meant that or not. He clutched Pascal and ran out of the flat and down the stairs after his wife. He caught her wrist, clutched the baby with his other arm as tightly as he could, and apparated the 3 of them to Saint Mungo’s before Tina could break free from his grasp. 

 

They arrived in the reception room and Newt looked at the Directory trying to decide which department they needed. Tina was so surprised at being dragged to the hospital that she didn’t protest. Newt decided Spell Damage was his best bet. He knew Tina wasn’t out in the field these days, but maybe she had still somehow taken an errant jinx?  _ Or worse _ , his blood went cold at the thought,  _ perhaps she’s under the Imperius Curse _ . As an auror, she was a target for that sort of thing, and perhaps someone was trying to do away with her by forcing her to do away with herself...He shook his head.  _ It’s OK now _ , he thought,  _ we’re in the hospital and someone will be able to fix this _ . 

 

The healer came into the room and Newt described the last few months right up until the incident that had just transpired, all while Pascal fussed in his arms and Tina stared ahead. When he got to the part about her threatening to jump in the Thames, Tina interjected “I didn’t really mean that. I was going to maybe walk along the river, but I wasn’t going to...to…” and then she went silent again. 

 

Newt whispered to the Healer, “Could it be some sort of spell damage?” 

 

“It’s definitely a possibility. We’ll have to run some tests”, the Healer replied, “Why don’t you and the baby go down to the cafeteria for bit? I’ll come get you when we’re done.” Newt nodded and left the room. 

 

An hour later, the Healer fetched him back and spoke to him as they walked back to the ward. “No spell damage”, she said and relief flooded Newt as those words sunk in, “but she’s got a really bad case of nerves. Here we are, I’ll speak to the both of you inside.” They walked in where Tina was still lying down quietly staring ahead. 

 

“Mrs. Scamander,” began the Healer, “your nerves are shot. You’re really doing a lot, more than most other women, and you’re running yourself ragged. Most mothers don’t generally work too, you know-” 

 

“But I love my job!” interjected Tina, “you’re not seriously suggesting I quit?” 

 

“No, but your health is suffering right now. I suggest a medical leave of 6 to 8 weeks. An official notice will be sent to your boss, I’m sure he’ll approve it,” she said turning to Newt for those last few words, as if to say  _ her boss is your brother, so you can bloody well see to it that he allows it.  _

 

Tina opened her mouth to protest, but Newt took her hand and said “Healer’s orders, darling. Please,” he pleaded, “we need you to get better”. Tina nodded resignedly. 

 

“Oh, and Mr. Scamander,” the Healer added, “since rest is of the utmost importance, here’s a calming potion for her to take at night. And you’ll need to take up a lot of the domestic duties for now, including the night feeds, or maybe just start training him to sleep though, he’s old enough. This will help her recuperate.” Newt gulped at the long list of things that just got added to his day, but nodded.  _ Anything for my Tina _ . 

 

Now that the emergency was over, they walked home rather than apparating with the baby. Pascal had fallen asleep on his shoulder. After putting him in his crib, he went to join Tina in their room. She was already asleep, having taken the calming potion. Newt was tired, but knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep just yet. He just held Tina for a while, stroking her hair and whispering in her ear how much he loved her and missed her and to please please get well soon. Eventually, he fell asleep with his arm curled around her. 

 

When Newt got home the next day, he didn’t wait for Tina to thrust Pascal into his arms. He calmly took him and sent Tina off to go lie down or read a book. He noticed her grabbing a bottle of mead, but decided against making an issue out of it. He looked around their messy flat and saw the remains of their breakfast and Tina and Pascal’s lunches that she obviously hadn’t gotten around to cleaning up. He remembered what the Healer had said, but he had a very awake Pascal. How was he going to deal with this  _ and _ Pascal  _ and _ checking up on and feeding his creatures?  _ No wonder Tina is so hard on herself,  _ he thought. 

 

Then he had an idea. While here in England people put their babies in cribs and prams, he’d traveled around the world enough to know that in many cultures, parents wore their babies strapped to either their chests or their backs while going about their day. He took out his wand and conjured up a long piece of fabric and tried to remember how he’d seen it done. He wasn’t sure if he got it right, but he somehow got Pascal tied securely to his chest, facing front so he could see things other than his father’s vest. 

 

Pickett the bowtruckle peeked out of Newt’s pocket, feeling a bit squashed and got caught up in a chubby little hand. Pascal squealed with delight, but Newt was worried he’d squeeze Pickett too hard. He took Pickett in his hand and held him a safer distance from Pascal’s hands, which were still swatting at the little twig-like creature. Newt smiled. “This is Pickett, one of daddy’s bowtruckles. He likes to be held by daddy, rather like you,” he said smiling at his son, “I’m sure you two will be great friends, but you must be gentle with him. You don’t want to hurt him.” Pickett then hopped up on Newt’s shoulder and nestled in his hair, safe from chubby, swatting baby hands. 

 

With Pascal safely strapped and happy, Newt started waving his wand around to get things in order and to get dinner started. He wasn’t the best cook, but he could pull a decent meal together. He had traveled the world alone for so many years he’d had to learn how to fix himself passable meals. 

 

Satisfied that things were back in place, he decided to take Pascal down into the suitcase with him to meet his creatures for the first time. This was one of the things he’d been most looking forward to as a parent- sharing his life’s work and passion with his children.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Newt wearing his baby just gives me all the feels! I had so much fun writing that part. He totally is the type to be into babywearing and he totally would have picked up the idea from his world travels. But yeah, I totally fell in love with the image of babywearing Newt.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tina's not getting any better. Newt is desperate to find her relief from whatever is tormenting her. Perhaps Queenie can help?

The routine of Newt strapping Pascal to his chest as soon as he got home and taking care of both the household chores and his creatures soon began to take its toll. Even with magic, running a household and caring for an entire menagerie of rare (and sometimes dangerous) beasts was a lot of work. He enjoyed the time with his son, especially introducing him to the wonders of the creatures in the case, but he soon began to get worn down from doing too much. He had gotten Pascal sleeping at night except for one waking, but still, interrupted sleep, even if only once a night, was tiring. 

 

And Tina didn’t seem to be getting any better. She also knew she wasn’t. She saw Newt taking care of the household and spending time with Pascal down in the suitcase, no doubt bonding over the enthralling creatures. Newt had tried to tell her about what new things Pascal was learning, but she always cut the conversation short and rolled over to pretend to sleep so he wouldn’t see her tears. There was her amazing husband- so gentle, so  _ perfect,  _ always putting himself last. Last behind his son, behind his creatures, behind her. She couldn’t bear it. What was wrong with her? Why was she the world’s worst wife and mother? Why couldn’t she, Porpentina Esther Goldstein Scamander, who had always been at the top of her class, one of the first female aurors in the U.S. and THE first one in Britain, properly take care of her family? Why couldn’t she take care of the two people in the world she loved most? 

 

One afternoon, about a month into her leave, she put Pascal down for a nap. He was better about sleeping these days. She knew she had about an hour and a half to two hours to read something more intelligent than The Tales of Beedle The Bard. All too soon, the two hours were up, and she heard Pascal rustling around and beginning to fuss.  _ No, no, no, _ she thought.  _ I need more time, to be alone, to think, to be myself _ . So she ignored him and continued reading. The fussing soon turned to crying, and still she did not come to get him. She hated herself for it, but couldn’t bring herself to move. The crying turned to desperate screaming, and still she didn’t move. And after 20 minutes of screaming, she heard the  _ crack _ of Newt apparating into the living room.

 

Something was wrong. Tina wouldn’t leave Pascal to scream like that. Newt’s mind whirled: should he check on Tina first, or take care of Pascal? He decided on the latter. If Tina needed help, he wouldn’t be able to do much with all that screaming going on. He went into the nursery and what he saw shocked him. Pascal had obviously been crying for awhile. He must have been angry, scared, or both, because there were scorch marks on the walls and various items in the room had been incinerated. Small children who couldn’t control their magic could do some pretty intense things when distressed, he was well aware of that. He strode over to the crib and picked up his son. He was soaked through, obviously having not been changed in awhile, and he was probably hungry or thirsty. Newt quickly changed him and prepared a bottle, and rocked him while singing one of his creature songs. Pascal calmed down pretty quickly. Newt felt bad putting him back in the crib, but he was calm now and he needed to find and attend to Tina. He summoned a few toys to keep Pascal distracted in case this took awhile.

 

He found Tina lying on their bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. There were two empty bottles of mead lying on the floor next to her wand. 

 

“Tina, love,” said Newt as he cautiously sat next to her and took her hand, “are you alright?” She shrugged silently, while continuing to stare at the ceiling. “Please answer me,” pleaded Newt, the concern growing in his voice. 

 

Tina started to open her mouth and then closed it as if the words were stuck; she just kept staring ahead. 

 

Now alarmed beyond all recognition, Newt grabbed Tina’s shoulders and looked into her blank eyes, his own eyes wide with fear, and half shouted, half sobbed, “for the love of Merlin, please talk to me! What happened? What is wrong?!” 

 

Tina was finally shocked into speech. “I don’t know,” she whispered hoarsely as tears sprang to eyes, “I don’t know.” 

 

“What do you mean you don’t know?” 

 

“I DON’T KNOW!” she shouted back at him, “there’s just all this stuff in my mind that’s been killing me for months. I can’t sort through it, I can’t figure it out, I can’t. Make it. Stop!” Newt had let go of her and she was crying now. “I have so many thoughts, bad thoughts,  _ frightening  _ thoughts that I can’t even sort through…” and then she curled up and continued to heave and sob. 

 

Newt just stroked her back for a few minutes taking in this latest outburst, and then suddenly it came to him- Queenie! He had to get Queenie here! Tina needed her legilimens sister. He didn’t know what, exactly, they would do once Queenie figured out what was wrong, but at least if they knew, they could figure something out. 

 

He grabbed a goblet and poured Tina some of her calming potion, “Here, love, drink up. I’ve got it now, we’ll talk later, you need to rest now, love,” he told her shakily as she drank. It was enough potion to put her to sleep for a few hours. In the meantime, he had to find the quickest way to get Queenie from New York to London. It wouldn’t be so simple, but he had to try. He strapped Pascal up with the carrier fabric, then wrapped his arms around him for good measure, and disapparated with a loud  _ crack _ . 

 

Newt stood outside his brother’s office and knocked loudly. Theseus opened the door and took in the sight of his exhausted and disheveled brother, and his nephew-  _ was he TIED to his father? Must be another weird Newt thing _ \- and ushered them into the office. 

 

“Merlin’s beard, Newt, you look like hell!” he exclaimed, “Tina’s ill, isn’t she?” 

 

“How’d you guess?” replied Newt. 

 

“Well, why else would you bring your child to the Ministry? Obviously Tina must be indisposed at the moment. Have you fetched a Healer? Taken her to Saint Mungo’s?” 

 

“N-n-no,” stammered Newt, “it’s not-not that kind of illness. I need you to help me. She needs her sister. Tina needs her sister and we haven’t got time to wait for a transatlantic owl and then to secure visas and permissions for international portkeys.” 

 

Theseus didn’t really understand how his sister-in-law could be ill and not in the care of a medical professional, and he didn’t fully understand how her sister could help if a Healer couldn’t, but he did understand that sometimes people needed their closest loved ones nearby in order to get better. And he realized what Newt was asking. As head of law enforcement, Theseus could pull some strings that could get Tina’s sister to London tonight. 

 

He looked at his brother’s dishevelled state and desperate, exhausted eyes and nodded. “Go back home,” he told his younger brother, placing a hand on his shoulder, “I can get her here tonight, but expect it to take a few hours. Don’t expect her before 9 or 10.” Newt nodded. They both stepped out of the office. Theseus ran off to the visa office while Newt left the Ministry building and wrapped his arms around Pascal again to apparate home. 

 

Tina was still sleeping soundly and it was time to check on the creatures anyway. Newt pointed out each one and gave his son a running commentary on what he was doing. He knew Pascal couldn’t understand the words, but he was taking in the sights of his father’s magical beasts with wide-eyed wonder. 

 

They stopped by the occamy nest, where the mother was guarding her eggs. Newt’s voice began to waver and his eyes stung. “Your mummy is ill and I’m scared,” he said, not sure if he was speaking to his son or to no one in particular. “I love her so much, and I know she loves us too. She’s the most special woman I’ve ever met. She loves you so much, Pascal. I hope she gets better soon. I know you miss her too.” 

 

Pascal began to yawn, so Newt went back up the ladder and into the flat. He put his son down in the crib. He didn’t want to disturb Tina, but it was only 7:30. He wandered into the kitchen but wasn’t particularly hungry. He stretched out on the couch, figuring he’d go over some notes for the next edition of his book, but soon the exhaustion of the last few weeks overcame him and he dozed off. 

 

Newt was startled awake by a loud  _ crack _ .  _ Queenie! _ He heard a knock on the door, and made his way over. A quick glance at the clock showed that it was a little after 10. Queenie and Theseus were there. 

 

“Someone had to escort her here. I can stay if you need me to,” he said in answer to Newt’s puzzled expression. 

 

“No, it’s quite alright. It’s late, you go back home”, Newt replied as he stepped aside to let Queenie into the flat. 

 

“Just send for me if you do need me. You know how to reach me,” said Theseus before disapparating. 

 

Queenie looked a tad ruffled- whether from the hasty international trip or due to the news that her sister was not well, Newt couldn’t say- but he could feel her in his mind already sifting through the jumbled thoughts and feelings that had built up over the last several months. “Poor Newt!” she exclaimed placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, “Teenie’s not been herself for a long while and you’re terrified.” 

 

Newt swallowed hard and nodded. “Thank you so much for coming here, and on such short notice. And sorry for the fright you must have had until you got here and knew the extent of it, that she’s not...she’s not dying or anything,” he said, looking down at the floor. 

 

“Well, since you got me all the way here for Teenie, I’ll just go in the room now, so I can be right there when she wakes up. Yeah, don’t worry... I’ll wake you when I’m done with her,” she smiled reassuringly as she stepped into the bedroom and closed the door. Newt quickly dozed off on the couch again. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Queenie reads Tina's mind to try and figure out what's going on. And has some ideas on how to help her.

Tina woke up with a pounding headache and silently cursed herself for drinking too much mead in combination with the calming potion. She saw the room was dark and felt another body on the bed. How long had she been asleep? It must be the middle of the night and Newt must have slipped into bed while she was still knocked out. She yawned and stretched and was just starting to wonder whether she’d be able to sleep at all the rest of the night when she heard a voice that was definitely not Newt’s and calling her by her nickname that was only ever used by... 

 

“Queenie!” she shot right up and turned to her sister, “what? How? Wh-” 

 

“Yes, Teenie, I’m here. That’s one smart fella of a husband you got there. Newt knew you needed me, so I came. I’m here.” Tina didn’t know how to respond. She stared for a few seconds and then collapsed into her sister’s embrace. “You don’t need to say anything,” said Queenie continuing to hold her, “just let me read you for a while.” Tina nodded, and continued laying in her sister’s lap and letting her inside the tangled mess of thoughts and emotions that even she couldn’t figure out despite them being her own. 

 

Tina fell back asleep shortly after midnight and Queenie thought she had a pretty good handle on what was going on. She stepped back out to the living room where Newt was still dozing on the couch. She felt bad waking him up, knowing how terribly fatigued he was but could tell by the structure of his thoughts that he wasn’t allowing himself to sleep too deeply as he was expecting to be woken up as soon as she had some answers. 

 

“Newt,” she whispered, gently shaking his shoulders, “Newt, wake up. It was a lot but I got it. She’s hurting real bad and-” 

 

“‘People are easiest to read when they’re hurting,’” Newt mumbled quietly while stretching and rubbing his eyes, “I might’ve heard that from you once or twice.” 

 

Queenie gave a sad little smile and nod and then cleared her throat so she could begin. “Teenie has been feeling like she’s failing- yes, I know you knew that already, let me finish here- like she’s been failing at everything. At her job, as a wife, and worst of all, as a mother.” 

 

“And I’ve tried to tell her again and again that it’s not true!” started Newt. 

 

“Yeah, I know, and I know she wasn’t having none of it,” Queenie continued. “There’s more to it than that. Teenie’s not like most gals out there- yes, I know Newt, that’s exactly why you fell in love with her, still this is important- she’s always wanted to be more, do more, and she never let the fact that something was ‘just for boys’ stop her. She’s strong and independent and her own person. But ever since having Pascal, she’s lost that.” 

 

“What do you mean,” asked Newt incredulously, “I mean I know she hasn’t been feeling or acting herself lately but she  _ is _ still the same Tina who-” 

 

“I know, Newt, but having a baby really changes a lot. More even than getting hitched. She’s never really failed at anything before- except for that short bit where the President demoted her- and now all of a sudden she’s faced with this new thing that you can’t learn from a book or even in practical training, but only as you go. And a baby is supposed to be the most wonderful thing, and something that every woman is a natural at. But it’s also hard work and it takes over all the other things that are important to her, and if she puts those  before her child, she’s a bad mom. The world does not like bad moms, Newt; a bad mom is only just a step away from Gellert Grindelwald. And it didn’t help that she saw you taking to fatherhood as naturally as she thinks she oughtta be taking to motherhood.”

 

She paused for a minute, watching Newt shaking his head at that last bit. “Well yeah, we all know  _ you  _ never cared in the slightest how the world perceives you and your weird stuff, and it really is wonderful what a doting daddy you are, really, keep doing that. But the world just ain’t the same for us dolls as it is for you guys, and it ain’t right, but that’s how it is. Teenie’s been hit with this everywhere she turns- do this with your baby, behave that way once you’re a mother. If you don’t, you’re selfish, you’re hurting your baby, you ain’t a real mom nor a real lady. Teenie tries- she wants to enjoy Pascal, but finds it hard when right now that’s mostly changing diapers and feeding him messy mush and no chance of intelligent conversation because he can’t even say ‘Ma’ yet.” 

 

She saw Newt was starting to get it and continued, “and she wants to keep up with her career, because that’s so much of who she  _ is _ . Ever since we was little she wanted to be an auror. But a lot of what makes a great auror goes against how they say a mother oughtta behave. She’s trapped. She’s lost the most important pieces of herself but also feels awful for mourning that when she oughtta be thrilled just for being Pascal’s mother.” 

 

Queenie stopped and gave Newt a chance to speak his thoughts, even though he technically didn’t need to. “I understand how jarring that must be to feel she’s lost herself,” he said, “I wouldn’t handle that well either. But- what can we do now? She won’t accept that it doesn’t matter, and she doesn’t believe me when I tell her she’s a wonderful mother. How can she be happy again? How can she get back to herself and just be the mother she’s meant to be rather than keep trying to meet an impossible standard that isn’t  _ her _ ?” 

 

“That’s the hard part,” said Queenie quietly, “she’s sunk into such a bad place in her head that she’s going to need more than words and some time to herself to get her out of it. She’s in a very dark place Newt; she thinks she don’t deserve you or Pascal, and that she might even be better off dead.”

 

“What? How?” whispered Newt, as he suddenly remembered that terrifying moment when Tina had threatened to jump in the river. “Does she not remember she’s my everything? That she is so very loved? That you and Pascal and I  _ need  _ her?” 

 

Queenie looked back at him with tears brimming in her eyes. “When the mind falls into such a deep and dark place, that ain’t enough,” she explained, “all you feel is pain and darkness. All the good, the people you love and who love you, it ain’t enough to bring you back, to make it stop hurting, to remember that you’re worth something. She can’t help it, Newt. And what’s going to get her mind back into a good balance ain’t easy to get.”  

 

Newt started rambling, “My book’s done quite well you know, going for a second edition now, I’ll spare no expense for whatever will get her better...” 

 

But Queenie shook her head. “It ain’t about the money, though it is pretty pricey. It’s, well, you know I’m a legilimens. I know real good how minds work, better than most people. Most people can’t take that a mind can get sick just like a body. Or when it becomes too much to ignore, they just call you crackers and shut you up in the looney bin. I very much hope to see that change one day, because having your mind turn on you and get you real down don’t make you crazy. It makes you a person that just needs some help getting through tough times.” 

 

_ Great, just another reason people are the worst, _ thought Newt. 

 

“Yeah, you always sought comfort in your creatures ‘cause they don’t have the weird drama and stuff that people come up with,” Queenie said smiling at him. “Well, now, let’s get down to business here. Teenie needs some of that potion I was talking about. It ain’t nothing to be ashamed of, at least in my expert legilimens opinion, but let’s face it, this can cause her problems at work. Ain’t nobody wants an auror that’s supposedly crackers. It can also cause problems at home if people think she’s too nuts to take care of a baby. I’ll need to talk to your brother. He’s a decent fella, he made sure I got here just on your word that Teenie needed me, even if you couldn’t tell him why. I think he can get ahold of it quietly and still keep her at her job if I tell him she needs it and she ain’t crackers.” 

 

Newt nodded, as hope started to rise within him. “Also, I can stay here a few days so you and Teenie can take a little vacation, just the two of yous. You both can use it. I can take care of Pascal, it’ll be loads of fun for both of us!” 

 

“Queenie, you’re too kind, you don’t-” 

 

“You are not refusing this offer, Mr. Scamander,” she said seriously, “my sister needs this to get better. And you could use some healing too. You’ll leave tomorrow. Now get to sleep.” 

 

“Yes ma’am!” he replied only half jokingly and sauntered off to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really, if any witch or wizard would understand mental illness, it's Queenie. And so, here she is.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tina begins to recover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter. Thank you again to MerryLilHobbit for beta-ing, and thank you to those of you who read it! I hope you enjoyed.

The next morning, the Scamanders woke up to one of Queenie’s delicious strudels, a fed and content Pascal playing on the kitchen floor, and Newt’s suitcase by the door. Tina hadn’t yet heard the particulars of the late night conversation between her husband and sister, but Queenie just said “you and Newt are going on a little vacation, and me and Pascal are gonna get to know each other a little better!” 

 

Tina perked up for a minute, but then started muttering “no, I couldn’t possibly, he’s too small, I couldn’t leave-” 

 

“Come on, Teenie, I know you actually like the idea. Stop with the bad mom nonsense. It’ll be good for everyone, including Pascal!”

 

She handed Newt a slip of parchment containing the details of where they were going to be staying the next few days. He nodded and took Tina’s hand. They hugged and kissed their son goodbye, and waved to Queenie. Since Newt was the one who knew where they were going, he clasped Tina’s hand and apparated them to their destination. 

 

The next few days were both some of the most difficult and the most wonderful for Tina. Newt told her about the things Queenie had said. Tina opened up more about the struggles she’d been holding back for so long, and her dark thoughts and deep fears about what they could mean. They had some frank and honest discussions and there were tears from both of them. Newt assured her that there was nothing to be ashamed of and nothing that could make him stop loving her or think less of her. 

 

“I love you as  _ Tina _ , and society be damned, there’s no reason you can’t still be the Tina you’ve always been and also the best mum. You love your child same as every other mum loves her children even if you do things a bit unconventionally. And you’re well aware of  _ my  _ opinion on convention.” Newt looked at his wife and saw for the first time in months that she was actually taking his assertions seriously. It didn’t clear up all her insecurity and probably never would, but it was a start. 

 

Tina missed Pascal and periodically asked Newt what he thought he might be up to with Queenie, but she also spent time not thinking about him and not feeling bad about it. The couple also restarted the intimate life that had been so unfortunately paused some months ago. 

 

“I missed you,” Newt whispered, softly kissing Tina’s temple as he held her close to him after that first night. 

 

“I’m sorry,” she replied, “I’m sorry I haven’t been a proper wife-” 

 

“Nonsense, my dear, you’ve nothing to be sorry for. You weren’t well. You needed some space. Besides, I’ve heard that most new parents experience a dip in, ah,  _ activities _ .” 

 

He looked away, blushing, and she giggled before replying, “Well, I know we might not have as much time or energy as we used to, but I promise, I will do everything in my power not to allow such an interminable dry spell again.” They smiled at each other and held each other tight. 

 

It was time to return home. Tina was a bit sad it was over and nervous about what awaited her. She missed Pascal, and didn’t dread coming home the way she sometimes did after work, but she still felt bad about not being ecstatic and for wishing they’d maybe had another day away. The familiar negative thoughts started rising up again. Newt seemed to have sensed it. He squeezed her hand and she looked up. 

 

“We can’t pretend this is all over because we had a refreshing little jaunt to the coast,” he told her, “Queenie made it clear it won’t be enough to get better. You’ll still be battling those demons. You’ll need to take your potion every day and be open and forthright when you feel your thoughts getting the best of you. Don’t hide from me. I’m here for you and always will be. And you should talk to Queenie whenever you need to. To that end, I’ve ordered a pair of enchanted mirrors. I know they’re expensive but we can afford it and I’ll not be frugal when it comes to your health.” 

 

Tina squeezed his hand back and gave a curt nod. They looked ahead and stepped back into their flat. She immediately brushed past Queenie and scooped up her son. He looked in his mother’s eyes and broke into elated giggles. Tina broke into a shy grin and savored the moment. Then, Pascal grabbed a fistful of her hair and suddenly flower petals burst from it. The thought of her child breaking out happy magic just for her made her feel like she might be decent after all. Newt put his arms around his wife and son, and the little family stood together, just having a nice and happy moment. Queenie stood by, watching, and of course reading everybody’s emotions. No, it wasn’t over, not by a long shot. But now the healing could begin. 

 

“Now how about we all head down to visit daddy’s creatures together,” suggested Newt. Tina agreed, and Pascal giggled some more; Newt opened his magical suitcase and down they went.

 

After seeing Queenie off back to New York and making sure to give her one of the enchanted mirrors so that Tina could quickly reach her whenever she needed, they put Pascal to bed and retreated to their own room for the night. 

 

Tina held a vial of the potion Queenie had gotten for her and brooded for a bit. Newt placed his arms around her waist. “You’re so brave. You’re so strong. You’ll get through this. You should be proud for doing what needs to be done even if it isn’t easy.” 

 

She took in his words and silently tapped the vial with her wand to open it. Before she could think too hard, she swallowed it in one gulp. It wasn’t the best tasting, but not foul either. She didn’t feel anything yet. Queenie said it would take a few days to start working. She clutched the empty vial starting to feel that it offered her hope. Hope that it would get better; hope that she’d soon feel better; hope that she could truly enjoy her new, changed life while still being true to herself. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I specifically did not end with Tina "getting better". Postpartum Depression (or really any mental illness for that matter) is not a simple matter of treat-and-cure. It's a long, hard road and with the right support it can be managed and recovered from, though there can also be setbacks and it can take quite some time to figure out the most effective treatment. So I ended with Tina starting on the road to recovery and feeling hopeful she'll feel better soon, but left it just that- the beginning rather than a perfectly resolved ending of the situation.

**Author's Note:**

> Pascal's name is just a play on his father's name. Newt being named after Isaac Newton, I thought it would be cute to name his son after another mathematician, and I thought it sounded whimsical enough to be wizardy.  
> Also, I am well aware that breast vs bottle was not a Whole Big Thing back in Newt and Tina's day like it is now. But it's such low-hanging fruit when it comes to mom-guilt I couldn't resist making it part of the story.


End file.
